You know that stock video clip that you always see on ESPN when someone makes a boneheaded mistake or some crazy and improbable play happens and they cut to a shot of Vince Lombardi standing on the sidelines with his hands tucked into his beige overcoat, with his trademark glasses and fedora, yelling, “What the Hell’s going on out here?” My sentiments exactly.

A quarter of the way through the NFL season and I can’t make heads or tails of any of it. My beloved Vikings suck, but that’s about the only thing that anyone saw coming. As for Indianapolis being 0-4 and Detroit being 4-0? Nope, didn’t see that one coming. And what about Pittsburgh being 1-3 right after getting manhandled by the Houston Texans on both the offensive and defensive lines? That sounds like the plot line of some sort of dystopian fairy tale. And last time I checked, rookie quarterbacks are supposed to struggle against the speed and complexity of NFL defenses. They aren’t supposed to waltz on in with back to back 400 yard games like Cam Newton just did. So far the only thing to keep him from throwing for over 350 yards is a monsoon 

If Indy had any brains (and a fair amount of balls would be required to pull this off), they would tank the rest of the season —not that they’ll need much help in doing so themselves— and work their way into position as the front runner in the “Suck for Luck” campaign that will be sweeping the nation come December. Secure Andrew Luck with the first pick in next year’s draft, have him sit on the bench for a couple years while he learns from arguably one of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game, and then trade Peyton Manning for a whole slew of draft picks that they can use to help build their team around Luck for another run at becoming a football dynasty. Now all they need to do is find some team that is desperate for a last shot title and who will be willing to pony up for an overpriced quarterbacking God who is past his prime and should’ve retired with his former but who keeps letting the love of the game stand in the way of reality. A team like the Minnesota Vikings. D’oh!